


About Last Night

by tinmunky



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Sexual Tension, mature for language, omega - Freeform, paragade, possible drinking problem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-17
Updated: 2013-12-17
Packaged: 2018-01-04 22:33:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1086437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinmunky/pseuds/tinmunky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard awakes to the mother of all hangovers and a surprise. Well, this is awkard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	About Last Night

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfic posting, on AO3 or ever really. Been toying with short little Femshep/Zaeed ficlets on my drive to work. There are more bouncing around, but this the first to be set to word. No real context. Friendship, a paragade Shep with a post death drinking problem and a bit of sexual tension. 
> 
> Music Selection: The Black Keys, Howlin' for You
> 
> Forgive any errors, spelling or otherwise. This is posted without beta.
> 
> Bioware owns characters.

“Unnnnnngh. God.” Shepard rolled onto her side and cracked a gummy eyelid with an audible click, looking for the bedside clock. _Oh ow. What the hell?_

0400 ship’s time. She had left for Afterlife at 0100. So either she’d had a really rough three hours or almost twenty four had passed. Gingerly she rolled to her back slowly taking stock of the situation. Okay, fact one, she was in her cabin on the Normandy. The ceiling observation window exposing the gnarly twists and turns of Omega’s infrastructure. Shepard threw her arm over her eyes to block the glare. Fact two, she seemed to have all of her appendages intact, if a little worse for wear. Somehow she’d stripped down to her black Cerberus issue skivvies, hopefully she came home with her armor.

Shepard let out a groan, followed by a gravelly snore. _Wait, what?_

In a move that would have done any scream queen proud, she turned her head ever so slowly to the opposite bedside, terror building as her mind raced with what she might find.

“AIEEEEE!” she squealed shrilly. Placing both hands and feet into the back of Zaeed Massani, Shepard shoved him clean across the bed and off the other side.

“Christ woman!” His sleep rasped roar followed his resounding thud.

“What the fuck are you doing in my bed?!” Shepard’s words high with panic as she leapt to the other side. She put a healthy distance of one queen sized bed between them.

“What the fuck are you doing shoving me out of it? I was comfortable.” Zaeed slowly rose from the floor. Naked to the waist and clothed only in tattoos, black sleep pants and a bad attitude.

Shepard swallowed thickly and pulled herself together as the adrenaline spike wore off and the hangover rolled back in.

“I asked first.” Her voice dropping an octave.

Zaeed casually fluffed the pillows and laid back into them without so much as a by your leave. Arms folded behind his head, feet crossed at the ankles and a smirk upon his dichotomous face.

“Well about last night…would you believe keeping you from drowning in your own vomit?”       

“I hardly believe you’d be so selfless.” Shepard retorted. The acid back in her tone, or was that just bile, ugh she hadn’t felt this vile since waking up dead.

“How bout I had the opportunity for a good night’s sleep in a soft, sweet smellin’ bed, _and_ I would be protecting my paycheck from drowning in her own vomit.”

Shepard looked at him pointedly for a heartbeat longer than the average person would deem comfortable. He obviously had no intention of moving and her internal struggle to stomp the nausea down overrode  her social awkwardness from waking next to one of her more tense working relationships. She gingerly settled back into her spot and resumed to nurse the mother of all hangovers. She’d be damned if she would be the one to leave her own bed.

“So then, care to explain our current situation?” Shepard casually waved her hand in an all-encompassing gesture.

“Well lessee.” His tongue darted out to wet his lips “What do you remember last?

_Afterlife. Yeah, that sounds about right._

“Last thing I remember is drinking some kind of Hanar juice at Afterlife and…” She was cut off as Zaeed laughed. He laughed much harder than warranted.

“Is it really necessary to laugh so.. loudly?”

“Hanar juice… Honestly, Shepard, for the savior of the galaxy you’re pretty goddam thick. Ever hear the phrase, drinks like a fish? That should be, drinks like a jellyfish. The Hanar distill venom for Christ’s sake. I’m amazed you can string two words together right now.” He turned to look her. Blue eyes narrowed to mismatched ones.

“Do you want to hear the fucking story or not?” Shepard snapped.

“No, no sweetheart, don’t mind me.” Zaeed raised his hands in submission.

Shepard paused… and paused some more.

“And I don’t remember much more than that.”

“Well sweetheart, let me fill some gaps for you. Zaeed purred with amusement.

“Ugh, spare me.”

“Do you want to hear the fucking story or not?” Zaeed threw her words back at her, his smirk playing at the ruined side of his face.

“By all means…” Shepard sunk deeper into the pillows throwing her arm across her face.

“So last night you left the Normandy in a fine fit of rage and looking for trouble. Naturally all proper young ladies looking for a bar fight end up at Afterlife, drunk as a skunk I might add, and apparently you found trouble… does any of this ring a bell?”

“Aside from this being pretty characteristic of an alcoholic, no, it’s not exactly,” Shepard air quoted “Ringing Any Bells.” Before dropping her arm back over her eyes.

“Well you were gone for about ten hours, and in that time you drank 1,000 chits worth of booze," Shepard groaned, "and did 20,000 chits worth of damage to Aria’s bar.” She cringed. “I know this because Aria delivered a bill with your laughing, drunk ass.” He cast her a sideways glance.

“Laughing you say?” she peeked at him from under her arm.

“Still conscious I say! Girl you drank the Patriarch under the table, got your ass slapped by a Batarian drug lord and then proceeded to rip his arm off and beat him to death with it. What I wouldn’t have given to see his face! Fucking Batarians!” Approval laced his voice as he ran his hand across the stubble of his check. The hair rasped attractively under his callused palm.

“Yeah, me too.” Shepard let a ghost of a smile cross her face “Though, I don’t particularly like owing Aria money.”

“Oh and you shouldn’t!” Zaeed’s raspy chuckle rolled across her frayed senses, “That’d come outta your ass 110% mark my words! But no worries sweetheart. That Batarian you beat to death was under breach of contract with Ms. T’loak. She had a hit on him for 50k. She wrote on your bill “Paid in Full.” Ha! You’re gonna run good honest bounty hunters like myself outta business if you keep your rates to reimbursement for property damage.” Shepard snorted.

“So the slate is clean?”

“As anything on Omega is.” His lopsided grimace the closest approximation to a smile he could manage.

“Lovely. So if I was such a disaster,” Zaeed chuckled low and rolled on his side facing her. She swallowed.  “how’d I make it back here?”

Heat radiated off of his body, soothing her wretched consciousness. His eyes looking her over. God woman, play it cool. Cool. You’re just jacked up on whatever those stupid jellyfish drink. She closed her eyes in a supreme effort of serenity.

“Eh? Some punk with face scars and neck tattoos shows up at the airlock with you slung over his shoulder, armor and all, giggling like a drunken idiot.” Shepard cracked a lid to look him in the opaque eye. The irony not lost on her. He pointedly ignored her pointed look.

“Giggling, Shepard. Like you were some kinda girl. Honestly, I think it scarred me emotionally.” He leered.

“Jealous Massani?”

“Me? Of some fluffed up Omega brat? No, darling. I’m not worried about some young buck. Skills and talent will take you only so far without the refinement of time.”

Shepard shifted uncomfortably. Her clammy skin had warmed from his proximity. Zaeed was definitely one smug piece of shit.

“So. What did I do next?”

“Well, EDI wouldn’t let him on, so she had him leave you in the airlock. Which he was none too pleased about. The Cheerleader woke me out of a lovely sleep, dreaming about the good ole days with my Jessie, on my hard, narrow cot I might add, and had me hoist your ass into your cabin shower. And let me say, you weigh more than some slip of a girl should.”

“I’m 6ft tall Zaeed.”

“And dense as fuck. Anyway, you were still laughing up a storm when Lawson started to hose the Batarian off of you, armor and all. I think it’s still in there, may want to look to that. We put you to bed, don’t worry I looked the other way when she dressed you. Now _her_ you might owe.” Zaeed’s sly smile curled the corner of one lip. He looked away EDI’s shiny metal ass.

“So how did you end up here?” So nonchalant Shepard she thought. Zaeed smiled. Shepard sat up in the bed much more casually than she felt. Making her next question even blander than Kelly Chambers.

“So. Um. Did we…?”

Zaeed barked a laugh, but shifted uncomfortably. Shepard released a breath she hadn’t realize she was holding. It wasn’t like Zaeed wasn’t attractive, especially considering his current arrangement, but Shepard had more post death, my Alliance boyfriend broke up with me because I was resurrected by the space devil, oh and I’m all that stands between everyone and galactic annihilation baggage than a one night stand with a surly merc she had to work with on a professional level could handle.

“No. I’m not going to ruin the one friendship I’ve managed in 20 years by sleeping with you. I prefer my women only slightly more cognizant” Shepard smiled “…and unlike to vomit on me.” And the moment was gone.

“Besides, and no offense Shepard, but I’ve seen you dance.”

Ah, his acerbic wit. Like a cold shower dousing any innuendo he had left to smolder. She wasn’t quite sure if she appreciated the gesture or not.

“Wow, thanks for kicking me when I’m down Massani.”

Zaeed tipped his imaginary hat.

“Not a problem sweetheart. Do you still need your puke bucket? I’m sure Gardner would like his pot back.”


End file.
